Everyone has that friend who, at some point in their relationship, they could have sworn they’d be friends with forever. But, as it usually happens, life got complicated, and time flew quicker than expected. Now, when you think about it, you haven’t hung out or conversed in—what?— years?
If you have that kind of friend, and you constantly think about them, it’s only fair to try and reach out. You know what they say: if you’re missing someone, they’re probably missing you too. They could feel the same way you do, and just like you, they probably don’t know where to start.
This article has useful tips to help you reconnect with that friend you haven’t talked to in a while.
1. Prepare Yourself Mentally
Friendships often fade because of distance and misunderstandings. If your friendship suffered the latter, take some time to organize your thoughts and feelings before deciding to reach your friend. When you go without talking to someone for a long time, there’s a mix of emotions, given how lives can change over time. It can surprise them; they can be skeptical or otherwise caught off guard hearing from you out of the blue after all this time. You can avoid the awkwardness by keeping low expectations and weighing all outcomes before reaching out.
2. Look for Conversation Starters
Birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions offer ideal topics for striking up a conversation with anyone naturally. Browse your friend’s social media page and check for noteworthy events like a new job or an upcoming anniversary, then use it as a conversation starter.
You can comment on their post or message them something like, “Hey Lisa, happy early 40th! I’m happy about this big milestone in your life and hope you celebrate in style! Would love to join in raising a glass…”. Such context provides you with natural timing to spark a conversation and possibly get a positive response.
3. Reach Out on Social Media Platforms
If you haven’t spoken to your friend for a long time, chances are that you may have lost their phone number. However, with almost everyone being active on social media these days, you’re sure to find them on one of the many social sites. Simply type their name and browse the profiles that pop up in the results. Once you find their profile, send them a direct message with a clear subject line.
If you can’t find your friend on social media, try using Nuwber. This platform contains a database of millions of U.S citizens and makes it easy to get anyone’s contact details and social media accounts.
4. Call or Send a Friendly Text
Phone calls are as good as in-person conversations because they allow you to express your enthusiasm, seek clarification, and engage the other party in a better way than texting could. If you want instant feedback on how they feel about reuniting with you, call them.
It’s worth noting that some people rarely pick up calls from strange numbers. So, if they don’t pick up, consider sending them a text, and don’t forget to notify them who you are.
5. Have an Open Conversation
When you finally contact your friend, enquire about how they’re doing and try to find out why they went silent. Many people often assume that when you look for them out of the blue, you’re either seeking a favor or want something from them. If you’re not great with conversion starters, it also helps to be upfront with them and tell them you want to reconnect with them. They’ll likely respond positively if you’re open and honest about why you reached out.
6. Apologize if You Have to
If you’re responsible for your fallout in one way or another, it’s only right to apologize. Unsaid apologies often create a barrier that otherwise prevents you from genuinely reconnecting. Even if you didn’t hurt them, expressing remorse for the natural decline in your friendship demonstrates that you still care and are interested in rekindling it.
7. Be Strategic About It
Talking over the phone or text can sometimes come with awkward silences, especially if your relationship ended on bad terms. Set up a meeting in public, and use it as a springboard to rekindle your friendship. Having an actionable plan, like regular meet-ups, shows that you’re genuinely interested in linking up with them. You can even make your conversation more engaging by reminiscing about the nostalgic moments you enjoyed together.
8. Respect Their Boundaries
Since you haven’t talked in ages, so much could be happening in your friend’s life that they may not wish to share yet. They could be in a bad marriage, struggling with kids, or having a hard time at their job. Most of these factors could affect their availability. When they turn down your request to meet up at a certain date, time, or location, understand and respect their decision.
9. Be Consistent
Even after reconnecting and resolving your differences, cultivate the new connection. Check up on each other and avoid any challenges, whether geographical or otherwise, that could set you apart again. When you learn to trust each other anew, share your experiences, and be there for each other. It strengthens your friendship further and bypasses the awkwardness of reconnecting after a long time.
10. Have Patience
Rebuilding a friendship requires both parties to trust and adapt to each other’s new tastes and preferences. Don’t lose hope when your conversations have awkward pauses in the initial stages. So much has changed over the years, and it’ll likely take some time to familiarize yourself with your friend’s new personality.
If you wronged them, understand that it’ll likely take some time for them to forgive you and trust you fully. By being patient and setting realistic expectations, you give room for the friendship to blossom naturally and avoid putting unnecessary pressure on each other.
Conclusion
Rekindling a friendship can sometimes feel like making new friends. This is to be expected, given that people evolve with time. Their lives have most likely changed, which requires you to adapt to their new personality. If you’re genuinely interested in having them in your life, be patient and approach each interaction with openness.
Nevertheless, these tips will help revive any friendship, even if it ended on a bad note.
Lynn Martelli is an editor at Readability. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Antioch University and has worked as an editor for over 10 years. Lynn has edited a wide variety of books, including fiction, non-fiction, memoirs, and more. In her free time, Lynn enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with her family and friends.
